The Kick Ass Blog

I’m scrappy. Are you scrappy?

In the dog-eat-dog world of IM, you gotta be scrappy.


*Note: No puppies were hurt in the making of this crappy scrappy meme.*


Because if you’re not scrappy, THEY will eat you alive. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. And I can count on one hand the people I can actually trust in this industry, out of the thousands of people I know.


But that’s okay, because for each person that I learn I can’t trust, it’s just someone I know I don’t want in my tribe. And then you find those you can trust – the good guys – and it’s fun and awesome and amazing again!




Today I wanted to tell you about an awesome blog that I discovered…oh probably a year or so ago. It’s called The Middle Finger Project, and the chief chick in charge is named Ash Ambirge.


Now Ash, she has definitely been through some shit in life, and she is just full of awesome. The kind of awesome that makes you want to have her as a neighbor. Or a sister. Something.


She wrote this post about being scrappy.



I wanted to share it with you, because if you’re going to make anything of yourself in this business, you’re going to have to be scrappy. Grow some new layers of skin. Learn to let the haters hate without reacting.


Hope you like that blog, and sign up for her updates. I think you’ll get a lot out of it, if you’re open to it.

Are you stuck? Do you think you suck?

I’ve totally been there, too.
Last year, right around this time, I was in a bad, bad place in life. I had just realized that I had been in a deeply debilitating depression for about a year and a half that had taken my business, and had very scarily nearly taken my life.

The realization that it was a disease was both saddening and liberating.


Because it meant that *I* personally, didn’t suck.


See, I’d been placing all the blame on my lack of talent, my lack of work ethic, my lack of…EVERYTHING. I thought it was me. I thought I sucked.


And that just wasn’t the case. At ALL.


One year later, I look at where I’m at, and I am frankly astounded.


Living exactly where I want to live in northern Minnesota, on the shores of our beautiful Lake Superior, hiking a few times a week, enjoying campfires, craft beer and excellent wine, hanging out with neighbors grilling steaks, and watching my kids play and grow in the support of a great community. It’s a total 180 degrees from where I was at a year ago.


Do I have a huge, expensive home, multiple fancy vehicles, and wear designer clothes?




That stuff just isn’t me. I’m a t-shirt-with-the-sleeves-cut-off-and-worn-cowboy-boots kinda girl. My measure of success lies in experiences for myself and my family. My measure of success lies in how I can give to the community around me, and to my online tribe, which I’m honored to have you be a part of.




If things are hard right now, they will not always be hard. I PROMISE you that.


Guarantee it, in fact.


Because I know. Because I’ve been there. And I can help you.


If you are IN THAT PLACE right now – the dark hole that you just can not figure out a way to crawl out of, even though you’re trying, and scratching, and reaching, and clawing – then you need to reach out to me.


I’m not asking you for anything – no money, no payment, no anything, and nothing for sale – JUST reach out. Let me help you the way you’ve helped me over the years.





Where Do You Start? Where Do I Start?

The title…that’s what really fucks a lot of us up, isn’t it? I know it does for me.

I have plans – BIG plans – but I seem to always get throttled because I don’t know where to start. God, it’s frustrating too, when you’ve got so many ideas and so much goodness inside you that feels like it can’t come out.

So for today, for right now, I’m starting right here. Come with me? Because I’d LOVE it if you were with me on this journey. [Read More…]

Avoidance, I Am Your Queen

There are a lot of things that I don’t want to do. Learning new skills or habits is one of them. I want to be instantly good at whatever I try to do. This has prevented me from learning to do many things I’d love to learn to do.

Learn acoustic guitar.

Learn to draw.


Journal. [Read More…]

A Brighter Day

Day three of my upped dosage, and as is typical for me, I am feeling the effects already. My brain is clearer (though not my head, as I’m dealing with a hum-dinger of a summer cold), and I am more at peace. That’s probably half due to meds, and half due to the fundraiser, which is right now at $1600. That means I can pay a car payment, as well as the rent for next month, at least, and that is just so awesome. So awesome to have that enormous weight taken off me. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. [Read More…]

The Feels

Damn. Woke up this morning feeling slightly better. Today is my second day at adding the 37.5 mg to my 75 mg dosage.

Then the waterworks started again when I looked at my email and realized that I had over $1000 raised for my Depression Comeback fundraiser. Much of that is due to one very awesome Mr. Tim Castleman, who playfully called a bunch of shared colleagues out on FB. So, heartfelt thanks to you, my friend. He’s also matching donations up to $1000…because of him and friends, I’ll be able to get the auto finance company off my back, as well as pay July’s rent early. What an amazing blessing that will be. It will free up my mind and my energy to work on myself. [Read More…]

Great Expectations

I expected, after last night’s post on FB and all the support I received, to wake up today feeling so much better. Like the world is made of unicorns and sparklefarts.

Instead, I feel worse. Despondent, can’t stop crying. And still dealing with this bitch of a cold, so the crying thing is making my head hurt. Worse.

I have it in my head I will get out and take a walk today. That, and finish up these videos for my new course that I owe my customers.

Sigh. Wish me luck. [Read More…]

Rock Bottom

The weight of this is killing me.

I’m not sure exactly when it started – early in the year last year. Or maybe before that, even.

In 2011, I wanted to go off antidepressants. I needed to see if I could be without them. I was on a very high therapeutic dosage of my antidepressant, but I weaned myself down. I went off them completely, and it wasn’t pretty.

I’ve been through therapy. This is different. This is chemical. I was rageful, hateful, verbally abusive, I wanted to hurt my kids and myself. It wasn’t normal for anyone, let alone me. I am a positive person. I live for my kids. This wasn’t me.

Last February, I visited a doctor and started antidepressants again on a low dosage. I felt so damn much better. [Read More…]

What’s Your Excuse Again?


It’s no secret I’m strong. I’ve been through some shit.

I’ve been evicted. I’ve filed bankruptcy. I’ve been in abusive relationships. I’ve been raped. I’ve had a vehicle repossessed. My mother was emotionally absent. My father was only around on weekends. I’ve been spit on, bullied, pushed around. I deal with depression nearly every day. Yet…YET… [Read More…]

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